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INTERVIEW WITH ANN
Caveat: This is really long. Read only when you have time to spare! Interview conducted in 2001.
At the end of each chapter of The Contemplative Mom was a section entitled, "Moms Speak Out." I interviewed real moms in various stages of parenting, capturing their thoughts on the topics presented in each chapter. I'd like to introduce one of those "Moms Speak Out" moms to you, Lisa Miller. She, in turn, is going to interview me for this web site.
Lisa is the mother of two girls, ages 4 1/2 and 3, and is a quiet, contemplative personality (who happens to have received an embrace from Bono, but that's a story you'll have to ask her about). She's got a brilliant mind and ponders challenging issues. She also asks great questions and loves to write. So she's going to grill me, and you get to enjoy the transcript.
Lisa: God has added another child to your family
since The Contemplative Mom was published. Your little boy has
joined a family of three sisters! How has life been different for you and
your family since little Daniel joined you?
Ann: Going back to the whole diaper and crib thing was a big
adjustment—restocking and hauling around a diaper bag and all those baby
accoutrements was disconcerting after being diaper-free for several years.
But Daniel himself has been an extraordinary child and we’re so amazed
with his personality. He has his moments, of course—don’t we all?—but he’s
a delight!
Do you find that your everyday life
suppressing? Inspiring? What does inspire your creativity?
If you’re talking about creativity in a broader sense, I’m creative
every single moment of the day—every mom is! We have to be! If I see my
five-year-old on the brink of an emotional meltdown, I have to think fast
and head her off at the pass. Distract her! Or if one of the girls asks a
sensitive question about the birds and the bees, I have to instantly decide
how much to reveal. Creativity may come at mealtime, making a game out of
eating peas. By the way, if you have any ideas on that, let me know. Lately
we’ve stared at the peas and issued threats, so no creativity there. Just
eat the three peas, for crying out loud!
Um, anyway, I love doing fun, “planned” creative things, too. I just watched “The Straight Story” last night, and there’s an awesome scene when the main character describes a game he used to play with his kids. He’d give each one a stick and asked them if they could break it. Of course they could. Then he’d ask them to gather all the broken sticks together and make a bundle out of them. Then he’d ask them to try to break the bundle. Of course, they couldn’t. Then he told them, “That’s family.” Isn’t that an incredible, simple illustration? I’ve been thinking about it all day, wondering when I could have the kids do that for the first time and get that vision for the strength of sticking together as family. That’ll be a purposefully creative moment for us. I might do it when we’re camping or on a hike through the park this spring.
As for creativity in writing, I have to say that the days themselves may hold a delightful interaction or event that I use later in some piece. But living it, well, sometimes I’m just hanging on by a thread, tired, worn out, beaten down like every other mom I know at any given moment. That’s when any interior, on-the-spot creativity is more contemplative in nature. That’s when I’m clinging to the Lord, interacting with Him and really walking with Him as I go about the day. Frankly, my creative efforts as a writer don’t usually happen during the day in the midst of motherhood. Instead, they occur late at night when the kids are asleep and my husband is rewiring a lamp or caulking the bathtub.
Many moms are able to get refueled while their
kids are at school. In fact, many are delighted to watch their kids climb
the steps of the school bus. You’ve chosen to home school, which adds
another significant responsibility in your life. Can you explain how that
has changed life for you?
You mentioned “refueling,” and that’s an issue for any mom, including a mom
who is educating all her kids at home. It’s hard to make time for
replenishing and it helps that I have a supportive husband who carves out
time for me to be alone. But I could use a lot more. I’m sure I’ll always
feel that way, but today I definitely feel I could use more time alone.
You asked how home education has changed life for me. Well, I suppose a big change is that the logistics of teaching my kids has forced me to say no to a lot of things. I used to serve on a planning team at church, but I can’t attend at the time they meet. That’s been hard. I’ve grieved the loss of that intellectual and spiritual stimulation with those people I enjoy so much—and the satisfaction of serving. And I haven’t been able to attend women’s Bible study at church, which is a loss as well. Many moms feel isolated--not just homeschooling moms--and we all have to look for ways to stay connected with friends and mentors.
How has your immediate family responded to your
work and success?
Philippe is so supportive. He’s been such a servant, taking the kids
while I speak and encouraging me to pursue what I feel God is calling me to
do in terms of ministry and writing dreams. So he’s been completely behind
me. He even supported the decision to turn our dining room space into my
office, so everyone has sacrificed the layout of the house for me! I think
he also knows how deeply fulfilling it is for me to be working. At the same
time, he warns me if I commit to too much. He can see when I’m overloaded.
As for the kids, well, it doesn’t affect their lives all that much. They get all of me during the day. I work at night, so they don’t even see me writing. The kids never think to mention to anyone that I wrote a book, so it must not be very impressive to them. Maybe if the book had been for kids it would have been a bigger deal. They’d be more impressed if I had a business making American Girl doll clothes to sell over the Internet.
Knowing that you actually practice the
suggestions you offer in The Contemplative Mom, some other mothers
out there may wonder if you’re a real mom. Can you offer proof?
Okay, a quick inventory of the kitchen: dried cheese cubes are
sitting on the high chair tray, a Sunday school picture with dried beans
glued on it sits on the window ledge and hanging above it are four hearts
tied together with blue yarn. A laundry basket that didn’t quite make it to
the laundry room for sorting sits in the hallway. I’m a day late returning
two videos to the library—that’s a dollar a day per film!—and the pillows
have been removed from the couch and used to build a wall for an imaginary
Playmobil city set up in the living room. My hair is in a droopy ponytail,
I’m wearing no makeup, and the nosepiece on my glasses needs adjusting
because they got knocked around when I was dogpiling the kids tonight. Is
that enough mom-evidence? I could show you the diaper genie smelling pretty
ripe in spite of its nifty design. You could peek at the upstairs bathroom,
where there’s a pile of towels and underwear. What else would prove it to
you?
Yep. You’re a real mom. Okay – one more. What’s
for dinner tonight?
Eek! More peas?
While a wife and homemaker, you’ve published a
book, home schooled, remained active in your church and continued to write.
What gives in your life? Is there anything in your life that at some point
gets overlooked or neglected?
Well, there are those cheese cubes dried up on the high chair. The
Playmobil stays out. The stairs are rarely vacuumed. It’s always the house,
the homemaker part of the roles you listed. I’m getting a little better,
thanks to FlyLady. Also, I also used to watch a lot of television,
but for various reasons I hardly watch any now. Back in my TV-addiction
days, huge chunks of time were swallowed up from my life while watching
shows. That really added up. Now that I watch almost none, I have a lot more
free time. Also, I took a hiatus from some of my church responsibilities
during the peak writing times. You’re absolutely right: you can’t do it all.
Something always has to give.
Getting back to TV, can you share what prompted
you to cut out watching the shows and how that impacted your life? Have you
noticed any changes in you since you decided to tube the tube, so to speak?
Billy Graham is why I cut out watching TV. Years ago I read an interview by
the late John F. Kennedy, Jr., in
George magazine.
At the very end, after answering several questions at length, Billy answered
the final question. Kennedy asked if he had any regrets. Billy said simply,
“I wish I hadn’t watched so much TV.” Wow. How much TV can
Billy Graham be watching, for pity’s sake? If
he regrets watching a lot, then I thought, “Uh oh.” I think I was truly
addicted at various points in my life, nearly panicked if I had to miss a
show. Well, Billy Graham’s seven-word answer to what he regrets in life
shook me up. One big change was logistical: We moved the television set from
the main floor to our bedroom upstairs. Believe it or not, that was a great
move: out of sight, out of mind. We hardly even think about it.
Some changes I’ve noticed in myself since I’ve—what did you say? “Tubed the tube”? That’s clever. Well, internally the changes have been dramatic. This is just my story based on my own personal convictions, so I don’t mean to suggest that everyone cut television from their lives. But this is what happened to me.
Before, when I was watching a lot of TV, I had gotten desensitized, growing accustomed to violence, sexual scenes and innuendos, and morally questionable content. Now that I hardly watch any TV, I think some of that sensitivity returned. I think I pay more attention to discernment and red flags that the Holy Spirit may have been waving all along, even during the TV-addiction years, but I had ignored. Because now I just can’t believe what I see. It’s really shocking and offensive. The things we’re supposed to be applauding or laughing about on commercials and in every show make me cringe.
And lately I’ve been measuring books, magazines, film and TV against whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable and so on. Frankly, there’s not much on television that can meet those requirements of what I’m supposed to be thinking about! Most shows are a waste, at best; spiritually destructive, at worst. The things I fill my mind with find their way into my conversations, my thought-life, and I assume eventually, my character and values. If I fill my mind with excellent thoughts then my conversations, thought-life, character and values may benefit from excellent input by producing excellent behavior, for example. If I fill my mind with the values and ideology and even theology of television producers, it will trickle down into everything in my life.
It’s been a personal journey with dramatic changes, and I’m grateful and relieved that I’ve responded to what I feel God has told me to do, or not do; to watch and not watch. I realize now that I’d rather err in the direction of being a little “out of it” and get my news a few hours or even days later from the newspaper—and be entertained in a hundred other perfectly violence-and-smut-free ways—than to be awash in the other visual crud that accompanies the shows. Oh, golly, I know this is going to rankle a few folks. I hope you understand that I have plenty of other areas where I need to repent and obey! To illustrate, I have a couple of relationships where I’m being judgmental, negative and very small-hearted, and that’s far worse than watching a couple of bad television shows.
Can you share about your family’s influence or
anything from your background that influenced your desires to write?
My brother and I were brought up in a print-rich environment where
books and words and grammatically correct expression were valued. But I used
to look at everyone else in the family as the writers; I was…well, I don’t
know what I was. It took years before I worked up the courage to develop my
writing, even though it was always a hope and dream. I remember writing
something for school that my grandma read, and she said, “Well, this is
really nice. Maybe there’s another writer in the family!” Her little comment
gave me a lot of hope. In college I took creative writing classes and
discovered that I had an ability to express myself through poetry and one of
my free verse poems won a contest. Little by little my confidence grew. I
think I just had to find the genre that fit me, and the message I wanted to
communicate. I’ve gone on to try all kinds of writing by now, of course, but
the nice thing for my family is that we now share this common interest and
ability to write while each of us expresses and exhibits it very
differently.
Can you remember any pieces you wrote in
college that you remember well or are there any of which you were
particularly proud?
Well, I still have the prize-winning poems and I do honestly like them. I
grew up on a farm and that gave me an unusual set of experiences different
from most of my other creative writing classmates who grew up in suburbia.
Automatically my material was a little different. A few years after
graduation, I reworked one of my college poems and entered it in a citywide
poetry contest. There were twelve winners, and each winner’s poem was
printed up as posters that were distributed and mounted on all the city
buses. My poem was one of the twelve winners, and I have the poster hanging
on the wall in my office. It’s on the website, too, actually. Just click
over to “Refresh Your Mind” and “Poetry.” It’s called “Field Hands.” Click
Here to read "Field Hands"
How did you express your creativity as a child?
When I was really little, I loved to dress up as a cowboy and
Indian. I had an outfit for each role, and mom said each had a very
different personality. The Indian was very serious and quiet and reflective,
and the cowboy was very easygoing, friendly and talkative. I loved animals,
and my mom made tails and ears for all the animals that I wanted to become.
I think all she did was braid some yarn for some and left some loose,
adjusting them longer or shorter for the cat, dog, pony, cow, parrot—I
remember asking for crackers that day. I don’t know what she did for a tail.
I’m dragging this out, but clearly I did a lot of imaginary play. I had a
lot of scenarios with Barbies and Breyer horses. But I really didn’t write
that much at all.
Does imaginary play continue to be valued in your
home with your own children? You mentioned Playmobil earlier. Do you join in
with your kids’ scenarios? Share a scene with us.
Oh my heavens, yes, the children have elaborate “worlds” where they work
through all kinds of scenarios. I hear characters from books that we read
become part of their play. Sometimes an entire storyline will be adapted.
Have you ever noticed that a lot of literature has an orphan as a central
character? Anne Shirley of Anne of Green Gables, Heidi, The Little Princess
(sort of), The Boxcar Children. Even fairy tales usually have at least one
parent die. It seemed like the first year of school all we were reading were
books about orphans. Well, the kids have this “Little Orphan Annie” thing
going in the basement with some neighbor kids. They have someone play the
teacher and the head of the orphanage. I noticed that person yells a lot.
And they get banished to the couches or into a corner. And there are often
orphans in the Playmobil stories, or a kid whose dad died in a horrific
fire. I think it’s good for them to work these things out in their
imagination. I hope it’s good! I think it helps them develop plans of action
to solve their problems and deal with the fears that may have grown for one
reason or another. They don’t dress up as much as I used to. There’s even an
awesome Indian outfit in the dress-up box, but nobody claimed it. You asked
if I enter into their play…actually, I used to try, but now I don’t. They
seem to have formed a wonderful world all their own, and frankly, I can’t
get in there and sustain it long enough to be of any good to them. We do
other things, like play board games. Does that disappoint you? Did you
picture me donning my old Indian headdress and letting them tie me to a post
in the basement?
Ah, but Daniel’s young yet. Any chance you may
find yourself caught up in a showdown wearing war paint in the near future?
A friend just babysat Daniel while I took the girls somewhere. When I picked
him up there, Daniel held up one of the many wooden, play guns strewn about
and said, “Gu! Gu!” and smiled really big. Looks like we may be planting the
seeds for a future cowboy. Trouble is, I’m far too big for the Indian
outfit…
Any teachers/mentors who have encouraged you
along the way?
My college pastor is an excellent communicator and a detailed
editor. He saw something in me and believed in my potential creativity and
ability to write. He saw it in me when I didn’t even see it in myself! He
had me try my hand at various writing for ministry, especially in drama, and
then he’d red-ink the scripts to death. It was hard at first, but in
retrospect, he helped me improve. My writing was tighter, clearer, and I
also grew accustomed to critique, which is a helpful thing in the publishing
world. Sometimes I had to fight for artistic elements that I didn’t think he
appreciated with his pragmatic approach. But in the early days, I accepted
his judgment. I was just a college kid who was learning to write. What did I
know? So I trusted him. His belief in my talent gave me confidence, and his
honest critique made me realize he wasn’t just saying, “Oh, yes, yes, it’s
terrific, great, perfect.” He was actually analyzing it to see what was good
and what could be better. I’m a much better writer because of the time he
spent developing me as a co-laborer in ministry.
We live in an incredibly prolific society. Do
you find it difficult to come up with original ideas?
There’s "nothing new under the sun" and "of the making of books
there is no end," right? All those depressing Ecclesiastes observations?
Well, a friend of mine said that the same truths and principles have to be
spoken into each new generation, often by someone in that same generation.
What was effective for people in the 1960s isn’t necessarily as effective for people in
the year 2003, although some writing is timeless. At any rate, new voices
are welcomed to say old truths in new ways. I think she’s
right. I need to hear the same truths over and over again, through sermons
and through Scripture itself. So yes, it’s hard to be original, but in a
way, it’s the same basic message and that’s a good thing. Plus, no one will
say it quite the way I—or you, or anyone—will, in my words and through the
lens of my experience.
What inspires you from the art world,
performing, visual or otherwise? You’ve been known to pray for
musician/actor Sting. How in tune are you to pop culture?
Oh, I’m so out of tune with pop culture and I really ought to
continue praying for Sting. Who else will?
I’m usually about six months behind most big movie hits. I think I’m the only person in the country who hasn’t seen “My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding” yet, but it’s out on video so I’ll probably see it in the next week or so. I read news magazines and newspapers, so sometimes I’ll hear about the big names. I sneak a peak at People magazine when I’m at doctors’ offices. But pop culture doesn’t really inspire me. I think great literature inspires me the most.
As for the visual arts, which is what you asked…well, I do really enjoy art museums. Last year we went to the Art Institute of Chicago to see a Van Gogh/Gauguin exhibit two times with all the kids. I just marveled at the texture. Because we have family in Europe, I’ve had the privilege of visiting the Orsay Museum and the Louvre in Paris where I get a little giddy. We were passing through this long, huge hall and I stopped and my hands were shaking and I said, “Look! These are da Vinci’s! This is ‘John the Baptist’! This is the St. Anne—I just saw this in a book before we left, and here it is!” The girls and Philippe politely looked, but didn’t share quite the shaky awe that I was experiencing, with my legs wobbling all Gumby-like. We gaped at some Michelangelo sculptures and Venus de Milo. I think I started to really appreciate and love art on our honeymoon, when we went to Rome and Florence. Michelangelo’s “David” may have been the start of an artistic love affair. To see an original by any famous artist makes my heart just leap with amazement and joy. To see in person, just a few feet away, some of the most famous works in the world…well, I stare, and sigh and wish-pray, “Oh, if only I could write like that person paints…”
One time I was at Willow Creek Community Church for an arts conference, and they had some visiting musicians, Abraham Laboriel and Justo Almario. These two guys are famous studio musicians and the most joyful worshipers I have ever seen. Abraham played the bass actually leaping and playing at the same time. Justo played flute and saxophone with a kind of angelic glow about him. I think watching those two interact musically and relationally as they led us to celebrate our relationship with the Lord is one of the most joy-filled worship experiences I have ever had. At the same time, my eyes bugged out at their mastery of their instruments, and they gave all the glory to God. I worshiped with exuberance, and also with amazement and reverence that God made people who could give back to Him their gifts after developing themselves to their fullest potential. I could hardly breathe. I prayed with longing that I might be that excellent at something—anything!—for the Lord. Would it be motherhood? Could it be writing? Could it even be laundry, for heaven’s sake? Well, it’s definitely not turning out to be laundry, I can tell you that. I recently shrank my own pajamas. But maybe…maybe in some other place in life, I can joyfully devote my abilities and heart to the Lord in a way that would inspire others. I would love for it to be through writing, but I’ll be content if it is in motherhood. There is, after all, an “audience” of four in my charge who deserve their mother to develop herself to the fullest.
Favorite books? Authors? Music? Movies?
I like so many wildly different books and authors for such totally
different reasons that my list is all over the place. I’d have to categorize
and explain why to feel like I’ve given a full picture. However, for the
sake of space, I’ll just throw out a few.
Books and authors: Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, The Divine Conspiracy, Anne of Green Gables, Little Women; most anything by Anne Lamott, Annie Dillard, Philip Yancey, Madeleine L’Engle, C.S. Lewis, Dallas Willard, John Ortberg, Garrison Keillor, Barbara Kingsolver, Eugene Peterson, Walter Wangerin. This is not an exhaustive list. More will come to me and I have a reading list on the site. Click here to visit Ann's "Reading List"
Music and musicians: Sara Groves, Chris Rice, Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Sting ;), Bruce Cockburn, James Taylor, U2 (that’s for you, Lisa), Penny Rodriguez (that’s so maybe she’ll sell more albums, and I do totally love her style).
Movies: “It’s a Wonderful Life,” (is that corny? I love that movie!) “Apollo 13,” “The Black Stallion,” “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “National Velvet,” “Sense and Sensibility,” many of Kenneth Branaugh’s Shakespeare films. Um, the pressure’s on and I’m not coming up with many movies or musicians, but I’ll add some later.
Friends have been known to tease you, comparing
your creative gifts with those of Mozart. You seemingly have the ability to
create ideas effortlessly. Can you describe what it’s like for you when
you’re “on,” when the ideas are flowing?
There is only one friend who would put me so embarrassingly
high in the creative world. I mean, come on…Mozart? Well, thank you for your
generous vote of confidence, Lisa, but there are definitely moments when I’m
working my tail off and nothing is coming. Pencils are hurled across the
room. I pace. I scrunch my eyes up and grind my teeth. So just for the
record, my ability to create ideas is rarely effortless. However, I think I
have had some times when I’m “on,” when the ideas are flowing.
Sometimes it’s after a very long dry spell of slamming words onto paper with no sense of inspiration. But that’s the key word: inspiration. I think there are moments that feel like I’ve taken a deep breath and been filled with something. I believe that as a Christian, I have experienced times when the Holy Spirit has given me the words I need for a project. I think Jesus loves the future readers so much He just lets the Spirit flow through sometimes, giving me moments when I feel sure that He’s part of it and making sure it’s what someone needs.
What does it feel like? It feels…like a machine that’s properly lubricated, everything chugging along, all the cogs of the wheels turning at the right time. Maybe that’s not a very feminine illustration. It’s like driving and all the lights turn green just at the instant before you’d otherwise have to brake. It’s like you’re totally awake and not relying on caffeine, with peak sensitivity and an exhilaration you might feel when skiing. I don’t know. I can’t think of the right analogy. Plus, I’ve never been skiing.
Peak sensitivity. Ann, you might just view
winter differently if you hit the slopes even once. How about sledding?
Oh, “Peak” sensitivity—I didn’t even get that when I said it. Funny. As for
sledding, I avoid all contact with snow. I send Philippe with the kids.
What is the most frustrating, challenging part
about writing for you?
Insecurity can serve as a real block for me, holding me back. It’s a
challenge to sit down and think, “Sure, I can do this again!” That’s the
biggest internal challenge. Externally, the mothering tasks bump against my
writing desires and goals. Finding the time is a challenge.
You’ve just mentioned that writing’s an act of
faith for you. Then publishing is a step farther. To what do you attribute
your confidence that enabled you to pursue getting published?
The Lord! I was completely dependent upon the Lord for the entire process. I
had no confidence in myself. I felt good about the idea, and lots of moms
were telling me that I needed to write it because there was nothing out
there like it. But the publishing process is great practical experience in
walking by faith. You can write as well as you possibly can and have a great
idea, and still get rejected. I think Max Lucado got rejected seven times,
maybe more, before he was picked up by—is it Multnomah? All those publishers
who turned him down must be shaking their heads, muttering, “what were we
thinking?” I digress. My point is that I personally had no reason to believe
that my little book, written by a previously unknown author, would see the
light of day. Yet it did, so it’s all up to the Lord.
Can you describe how your relationship with God
plays into your writing? Can you share any conversations you are likely to
be having with Him as you write?
Everything I write about is based on my relationship with God. My
topics are nearly always about Him. And I feel totally incapable of writing
without His divine assistance and approval. Until I feel a “green light,”
shall we say, I don’t move ahead. I wait. I don’t want to embark on anything
that He isn’t part of. Otherwise, it’ll amount to nothing and go nowhere.
I’m like those Israelites—I want to see the pillar of fire by night and the
cloud by day; I want to know God is with me in this. Otherwise I could
easily be capable of producing a lot of self-aware, self-indulgent garbage.
The world doesn’t need anymore of that.
You asked about conversations I might have with the Lord as I write? Well, I remember sitting in the living room with nothing to say about one of the topics in my first book and pleading desperately with the Lord, “What do You want to say here, Lord? Please give me the words to say!” That’s one kind of conversation. In a word, I guess it would be “Help!” Also, I talk with Him about the future readers and my own life. There’s a certain deep satisfaction when I feel like I’m heading in the right direction with something. There’s a spoken or sometimes unspoken sigh, a smile, that we’re working together. It’s an enormous privilege to sense God’s pleasure, like Eric Liddell from “Chariots of Fire.” Sometimes, in a small way, I feel that I have experienced moments of God’s pleasure as I’ve written. Not everything and not every time. But here and there, it’s a bit of divine affirmation.
Do you feel that you’ve been treated differently
since your book was published?
Not so much anymore. When the book was first released, my dear
friends at church made a bit of a fuss about it. I remember walking down the
hallway overhearing someone behind me saying in a loud whisper, “Her. Up
there, with the long brown hair. She’s the one who wrote that book!” That
was weird. Then one time we introduced ourselves to someone in our row at
church, and when I said I was Ann Kroeker, we shook hands then settled back
to face the stage and the woman turned to her husband and started whispering
loud enough for me to hear, “That’s the gal who wrote The Contemplative
Mom, that book I told you about!” Since then—it’s been several years
since the book came out—I think I’m pretty much anonymous again. Maybe not,
but I haven’t had any other experiences like that. Maybe people are
realizing how utterly ordinary and boring I am. I told you about the blasted
cheese cubes, after all. And the peas.
How are you handling any criticism?
I don’t know if people are just being nice, but no one has
criticized me yet (that I know of)!
What kind of tone are you most comfortable using
in your writing?
I’m conversational in tone, but I do try to write well, with a level
of craftsmanship I can be proud of and artistic or creative elements that
engage a reader. Too formal, and I feel that I’m not myself. Too casual and
I feel sloppy.
Can you give us some insight into your writing
process? What do you do with that nagging voice that demands perfection as
you write? Or are you able to silence that voice somehow?
By now most writers have heard the same kind of advice, so my
writing process is similar to that of many other writers. But the most important
step is to get the idea down that I want to say, and I can’t get
there with my internal editors critiquing my grammar and spelling and
composition. So most writing instructors will recommend “free-writing,”
where your first draft is loose and free and uninhibited by fears of red-ink
criticism.
It’s as if I have two minds, and Writer-mind is given permission to say anything and everything in whatever way she likes. Then later, after I feel I’ve got the meat of what I want to say somewhere in that sea of words, I go in with Editor-mind and start “fixing” things, making it clearer, less wordy, fix the misspellings and misplaced modifiers. Editor-mind lives with it and has a sudden flash that if I move one paragraph to the top and take out two others, it will flow better.
So there are two major stages—writing, then editing. If the editing happens too early, my writing is much less meaningful. It’s all tight and prissy. In other words, I think the voice that demands perfection is Editor-voice, and there is a time when she is extremely helpful. She just has to take a little coffee break for a day or so while Writer-mind is free to work. Perfectionism isn’t all bad. Do you like reading books riddled with typos? I don’t, and I wish there were a little bit more of a perfectionist working on the editing of some books. But if Editor-voice the perfectionist keeps me from really writing in the first place, then you’re right, that’s bad. Get her a Starbucks and hand her some Mad Libs while you get busy on your first draft, and you’ll probably get some great stuff down before you start to second-guess yourself.
What gives you the most joy or satisfaction as a
writer?
My brother claims that every writer loves to have written and
hates to write, and if they tell you otherwise, they’re lying. Well,
you can say I’m lying, but I swear I’m telling you the truth: I love to
write. I love the writing process, I love creating, I love working with
words and trying to be clear. I love reworking a paragraph to try to say
exactly what I mean in a way that is pleasing and powerful.
Also, there’s great joy in feeling that I am doing what God made me to do. And to know that God used something I was faithful to write is humbling and powerful. I’ve heard some women tell me how God has used the book or other things I’ve worked on, and there is no greater satisfaction than that—to see God working, to see evidence of His Spirit. Wow. God doesn’t have to allow that. He could keep all the spiritual fruit of our work a secret. But sometimes He lets us experience the encouragement of knowing that He is pleased to use us. I love that. That could keep me writing for a lifetime.