When a Starbucks Isn't a Starbucks

Last night was my first occasion to order a "Short" Starbucks coffee. I'd already eaten dinner and was going out to talk with a friend--it was the exact scenario when for me, a Short is called for. I just wanted to sip a truly small drink and chat. I was looking forward to my first experience drinking the coffee I've always wanted.

I was so eager that while standing in line, I told my friend all about the Short and how they left it off their menu and that the other day someone ordered it and they handed it to her without blinking an eye. "Just watch," I said. "I'm going to order it and they're going to hand it to me--a Short. Just you wait and see."

"I'd like a 'Short' decaf coffee, please." I asked, enunciating carefully.

She poured the coffee, set it on the counter, and the young lady operating the cash register rang me up for the price of a Tall.

"This is a 'Short,'" I clarified, "so it should cost less."

"This is the price," she said.

"But this should be a 'Short,' not a 'Tall.' I ordered a 'Short.'"

The barista who prepared my drink seemed perturbed. She looked over her shoulder and grumbled, "It's a Tall."

"But I asked for a 'Short,' which I understand is not posted on the menu, but is available if I ask."

The girl at the cash register lifted her eyebrows, "A 'Short'? I've never heard of that. I'm sorry. There's no way to ring it up. This is a Tall, so I rang it up for the price of a Tall."

"Well," I said, "you might want to research this, because Starbucks offers a Short that isn't listed on the board."

The perturbed barista turned to me with a sour face and said--enunciating clearly--that "this is a Barnes and Noble Cafe, not a Starbucks." The signage, the machines, the snacks they serve and everything about the place sure did look to me like a Starbucks set down smack in the middle--well, in a corner--of a Barnes and Noble. Silly me. All of these years, I assumed it was a Starbucks Cafe in a Barnes and Noble bookstore.

"So you serve Starbucks, but you aren't Starbucks?" I asked.

"That's right. We don't have everything that an actual Starbucks has."

"I see. So you don't have a stack of 'Short' cups stuck under a counter someplace?"

(I'm sure by this point my friend was wondering why she goes out to coffee with me, and I'm beginning to suspect that I'm turning into my curious and questioning father who has done this exact thing in hundreds of establishments all my years growing up. We just want to understand the discrepancy, you see...)

Cash register lady says, "No, and I'm sorry, but I've never heard of a Short."

Perturbed barista, now officially scowling, talks about me in third person, "I know what she's talking about: the kiddie cups. We don't have any."

Kiddie cups! What a low blow. I gave up on the discussion at this point, thanking her for my coffee and paying the Tall price for my Tall coffee without further comment, as I'm sure you're all relieved to know. I pointed out to my friend that on the English language page at the Japanese Starbucks website, they referred to the Short as the perfect after-dinner coffee size...not a kiddie cup.

We sat down for a great discussion, chatted and sipped our drinks; and, as usual, I wasn't able to finish my Tall. As we left, I tossed my cup in the trash disposing of a portion. I estimate that it was just about four ounces--the difference between a 12 oz Tall and an 8 oz Short.