I'm in blogsistential crisis mode. Why am I writing this thing? Who is it for? What should be its theme and content?

Here's what threw me into this crisis: I wanted to write about a home meeting event I attended. It was one of those gatherings where a company representative is a friend of a friend and she brings her product(s) and talks about how it changed her life and can change yours, too. Then the neighbors and friends gathered there get to sample it and exclaim things. Well, even though I started out open-minded and predisposed to liking the product, some of the claims made during the presentation sounded suspicious. I asked questions...too many questions. I threatened sales with my simple request that she explain why one thing was contradicting what she was saying. I wasn't trying to be contrary--honest. I just wanted to know why one of her products had certain attributes that were the very attributes she said we should stay away from at all costs.

So I had this nice blog written up which might have made you laugh, but I had to disguise the company and to mask the product, I had to set up all kinds of hypothetical analogies. It got too confusing. It wasn't funny anymore. So I deleted the whole thing, which was pretty discouraging. I'd wasted all that time.

After that, I thought, "What on earth am I going to offer?"

And then I thought of the Santa. Several weeks after Christmas, a neighbor still had a Santa on his roof. It was one of those puffy nylon Santas that is inflated and lit up during the Christmas season, but as this was long after the holidays, the Santa was flat against the roof, dark and lumpy, and void of life. I pointed it out to the kids one time as we passed, and they laughed at the deflated elf, but as I continued to glance at him on my travels through the neighborhood, I developed a connection. He was analogous to my self at the time: deflated, defeated, void of life or purpose, empty.

I can't get over how hard has been to recover from our church departure. It's been a year-and-a-half since we left. I may not have even mentioned it here, as I didn't want to get into the details. I still don't want to get into details, only to say that for numerous reasons and multiple confirmations, we felt that we could no longer stay. I should just leave it at that.

It seems like it was just a couple of months ago, but it's been well over a year. I feel like I'm in some kind of recovery program, or in some tumultuous stage of the grieving process.

In order to carry on, however, I tried to maintain as much normal in my life as possible. I tried to stick with some goals, however minor they might seem. For example, I tried to keep up with running. Signing up for the half-marathon was a big commitment to keep me working on it. The exercise and dedication has kept me going on the down days. I've tried to eat well, hoping that too would help my overall health when I was going through some of the harder seasons. I've maintained some regular outings with friends in order to have something to look forward to, sitting with some honest and true friends who will stand by each other when things are up or down. I've tried to keep my brain alive with good books and study. I've tried to pray and be kind to people. I've tried not to be too difficult, with apologies to the company rep whose product presentation I challenged a few nights ago. I've tried to be honest, too, however, about my struggles with those who ask me privately.

Perky creativity hasn't been as readily available, so my blogs have been scarce.

If you have ideas on what kind of writing you'd like to read, let me know.

Long ago, a friend said she loved the stories most, stories of the kids' antics and the dog adventures--real-life mom stuff. Someone else enjoyed my musings on books I've read, and I've even been told the random philosophical meanderings have sparked some interest. If you want me to write about health, it's an interest I explore.

Let me know.