A bunch of people told me I must read Blue Like Jazz. Sometimes when a bunch of people tell me I need to read or do something, I listen and try to do it right away. Other times, and I don't know why, I resist. I guess I'm a little bit of a noncomformist wannabe. At any rate, it's been years since the most people insisted on my getting a copy of this book by Donald Miller. I must have been in my noncomformist phase--I didn't buy it. Then recently, like in the last couple of months, it's come up a few more times with a few more people. I guess I was in my listen-and-do-it phase, because I secured a copy. It took a while, because I'm cheap and I wanted to find it used, which I did. I found it through half.com, I think, or maybe Amazon's used section. Anyway, I'm reading it.

At first I was critical, probably because so many people were raving about it. I thought he overused metaphors, that he was too self-aware, that his writing had that trying-too-hard feel to it. Perhaps I've gotten used to that style, or maybe he changed over the course of the book and I'm not paying attention. At any rate, I'm starting to kind of enjoy it. He's self-deprecating, which is a little bit like what I do. He seems kind of insecure at times, as am I. Maybe I'm just finding a comrade, a friend, someone I can relate to. For that matter, maybe I overuse metaphors, too. They say when you critize someone, it's often because you're guilty of the same thing. Maybe I've got a log dangling from my eyes, while picking at the little fleck in his.

I wonder why it came so highly recommended. I mean, people said, "Oh, Ann, you have got to read this book. You will love it!" Do they think I overuse metaphors, too? Do they think I'm as sarcastic and self-deprecating as Miller? Maybe they think I'm really cool and postmodern, which is what I think Miller is billed as. He's unconventional, for Christian circles, and very honest and real and earthy. Do they think I'm like that, or I should become more like that?

Cool is not the goal, but honest and real would be good. And I must admit, something about growing up on a farm has made me kind of earthy. When you shovel manure, you know, that experience settles deep inside one's psyche.

Someone suggested I try to write sort of like Anne Lamott, or Lauren Winner. I was greatly flattered that they thought I had it in me to pull that off. I tried. I did, I tried to write some stuff like that, but it turned out self-aware and trying-too-hard. It was unpublishable, not because of content, but because of style. It was bad.

Perhaps I'll just be an appreciative reader of those ladies, and Miller, too, never quite pulling off that spunky, outspoken, yet humbly authentic and self-deprecating style. Besides, I want to find my own style, whatever that may be. But authentic and honest, that should be all of us, right? Shouldn't everyone who writes, whether it's a letter or a book, write authentically and honestly?